My Biggest Weakness

          A lot of people may have difficulty with this problem.  Maybe they feel they don't have any weaknesses?  Or maybe they have too many to choose just one?  Unfortunately: this topic has been the easiest thus far.  I didn't have to think very hard to figure out my biggest weakness.

          As someone who loves to meet new people: I sure do suck at it.  If I'm with my friends; I'm usually really good at being my fun-loving self, but the moment I start to think, "What are they thinking of me?", I shut down and crawl into my little shell of shyness.

         I am scared to death of what people think of me, and it has become a serious issue in my day-to-day life.  I hate upsetting people, and sometimes when I'm running the store; I've got to put my foot down to gain some level from the customer.  I almost have a panic attack every time I say 'No' or have to give a price.  Their reaction is what I'm scared of.  The thought of them being upset or angry is enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.  Even though it stresses me out daily; I'm totally thankful for this opportunity at the store.  I get the chance to work one-on-one with people, and strengthen this problem.  The sad thing is: my biggest problem is outside of professional settings.

          I really didn't realize that confrontation was an issue you could have until I met with my school counselor about something that had happened.  I was feeling extra-peppy one morning, and I decided to approach someone I'd known for years.    To my complete surprise, they weren't very welcoming of my 'approach'.  I had been completely civil and down-right respectful to them, but they snapped right back.  Me, being me, just put my head down and walked away trying not to cause a scene.  This wouldn't of been a huge issue if we were by ourselves in a secluded area.  But no: we were in the school cafeteria and there were a good number of students milling around.  My roommate (who was with me) was amazed at how utterly rude this person was to me, and how I just walked away without standing up for myself.  Let's just say I got a stern talking to from her later.  I also got a stern talking to from my mother and my school counselor.  That's around the time I came to realize that I've had this confrontation problem a lot longer than I had thought.

          My counselor asked if I had ever confronted anyone in my life.  To say you could hear a penny drop would be an understatement.  I was seriously speechless.  I can think of one time when my steak was raw at a restaurant that I confronted someone.  ONE TIME.  That's over 19 years of being talked over, degraded, and shoved aside.

         So what's the real problem:  I care more about other people's feelings than my own.  I'd rather be uncomfortable than being the cause of someone else's discomfort.  At times, this is a wonderful quality.  However, the majority of the time it isn't.  My thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, my hopes, my dreams, and my goals are all just as important as everyone else's.  I have just as much of a right as the next person to chase my dreams and be happy.  I can't continue to let people degrade me and make me feel like nothing.

          Sounds easy enough right?  Well after 19 years of not even realizing I had this issue, it's going to take some time before I make any noticeable difference.  However, with the help of my family, friends, and the blogging community :), I hope to continue to grow and make this weakness a strength.