Thursday, October 23, 2014

My Twenty Second Adventure

I don’t think it’s any surprise to hear that I’m not the most adventurous explorer out there.  There’s really not much of a demand for me to be daring; the simple things easily keep me satisfied.  I’ve been known to spend hours in coffee shops and bookstores, merely reading or writing or listening to music.

Nonetheless, I like to talk a lot about trying new things and facing my fears, but the fact of the matter is I never follow through with it. 

I do everything in preparation, but never take that final step to actually carry it out.  Let’s look at the concept of ‘meeting new people’ as an example.  I think humans are the coolest.  I really, really like people.  During my freshman orientation week at Nebraska Wesleyan, I was in an environment that was perfect to meeting new people.  Everyone was in the same boat as me and it wasn’t considered ‘weird’ to just walk up and introduce yourself.

Did that stop me from tucking back into my shell and not reaching out?  Nope.  I met a lot of people who could've been great friends, but I never reconnected with them because I didn’t take that step to solidify our friendship.  Even a simple Facebook message that said, “Hey, it was great to meet you today, we should catch lunch sometime!” would have been perfect.

The same goes for other aspects of my life.  I want to one day have a novel on the shelf of a bookstore with my name on it.  I plan everything out; develop characters, construct settings, and create storylines.  But when I start writing, I begin to second-guess every decision I make.  I end up never getting anything down on paper because I’m still stuck on the first sentence.

I have a perpetual fear that things will not go well.

I’m the girl who gives the “Do what makes you happy” advice but doesn’t listen to it herself.  I’m the girl whose biggest risk on a daily basis is what color of pants she’ll wear that day.  I’m the girl who reaches for the stars but doesn’t even scratch the moon. 

The person who I am; who I’m meant to be proud of; pisses me off!

And about two months ago I finally realized that I was done with it.  I was done backing out and letting an amazing opportunity go by.  I was done letting friendships go because I can’t seem to step up and say a simple hello.  I was done giving great advice and not listening to it myself.

This quote has become a bit of a motto for my time studying at Chester.  I’m only here for three, short months; I can’t spend my time regretting the fact that I didn’t try something.  Usually it doesn’t even take the full twenty seconds.  All you need is that one moment of bravery and you’re there.  One small moment to say ‘Hello’ and a lifelong friendship can blossom. 

I’m not going to lie and say I’ve completely changed.  I still find myself at times wanting to disappear in the little bubble where I’m comfortable.  When I get to that point, I have to fake the bravery and courage it takes to try something new.  With time though, the faking has become less and less common.  I’ve really put the fake into “Fake it till you make it.”

Life is way too short to just let things happen.  I don’t want to be a backseat passenger to my life; I want to be the driver.  I want to drive like a maniac and take a different route every once in awhile.  I’ve taken a good number of chances during my time here; some ended great and some ended badly.  The awesome thing about that?

I have yet to regret even one.

No comments:

Post a Comment