Friday, May 1, 2015

5 Reasons Why I Should Be a VS Angel, as told by throwback photos

(Disclaimer: This is meant to be totally sarcastic.  I have no want to be a model)

As many probably know, Victoria Secret recently announced that 10 new models are receiving their angel wings. In the modeling world, I'm sure this is quite the accomplishment, and I wish those ladies the best when it comes to their careers.

I've always been a bit 'fascinated' with the modeling industry.  I love watching the VS Fashion Show (especially when T-Swift is performing), and I follow a lot of fashion bloggers.  I have never, on the other hand, wanted to become a model.  After years of watching America's Next Top Model, I came to the conclusion that the modeling wasn't the place for a five-foot-three-inch, freckled girl who likes to eat entire packages of Oreos and peanut butter out of the jar.

After VS's announcement, though, I started to think about why I wasn't chosen.  I mean, I know it was never a career goal for myself, but it's nice to be asked.  I think my Instagram selfies are 'on fleek'.  To make my case that I have always held the necessary skills and attributes of a Victoria Secret Angel, I've taken the time to look back into my archives.  Enjoy!

(Let it be known that I had to dig in the archives for these photos.  Instead of deleting them, as I should have, I've shared them publicly here. Why?  I have no idea)

1// I have the picture-perfect 'pout'
As you can see with this first collage, I have the famous model 'pout' down.  Even during my awkward middle school years, I had a knack for this look and could execute it flawlessly as soon as someone pulled out a camera. #datpout

2// My hair can handle any style
Even though I can't seem to make my hair look normal on a daily basis; people always tell me that my thick hair should be a blessing.  Apparently, thick doesn't mean disastrous, it means 'resourceful'.  Let's not forget that I'm also pulling out the famous 'pout' I mentioned earlier. #datpout

3// I've got some of the best poses
Do you want fierce, surprised, sad, or thoughtful?  I've got an expression and pose for that.  I can even handle taking my own picture through a mirror and still look like I'm ready to grace the cover of Vogue.

4// I've got mad hair and make-up skills
I think this picture speaks for itself... and yes, I'm completely self-taught.

5// Let's not forget those unposed, candid shots
It's important, as a model, to be ready whenever someone brings out a camera.  I obviously have the talent of even making a yawn look like front page material.

As you can see, Victoria Secret made a huge mistake in not booking me.  It will only be a matter of minutes before these photos take me to the top of my career.  Don't worry, I'll remember you little people when I make it big.  #modelstatus

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